Dad it has been A year and 4 months since I last held your hand and kissed you and was physically with you it feels so long ago,Like it was a bad dream that I wasn't able to get out my head seeing you in so much pain & suffering and feeling so helpless, I can still see you struggling to get breath and you jerking up I keep thinking maybe your mum was there holding out her arms to take you out of your pain and suffering that's why you kept looking up at the end of your bed. Dad I miss you so much I just want you to hold me in your arms and tell me everything will be alright as dad you always made me feel safe and you always spoilt me and I miss that not the financial way I mean just feeling loved and important to someone. Dad you always made me feel loved and I hope you know you are loved so much. Dad I feel like I want to go back in time to when I was younger and experience all the happy memories again as life was easier and I want to remember you before alcohol / dementia took you from me, to have all our conversation's and for you to teach me so many things, I miss hearing your voice so blooming much it physically hurts. Please continue to love and care for me as I need some support. Love you dad xx